These times ... a box of Kleenex

Originally Published March 24, 2020

These times. COVID-19, social distancing, self-isolation, stay home, only go out for necessities. These are the times to follow the rules set by Dr. Bonnie Henry.

So I'm the person. The one for our family. I'm the one going out for our necessities. We are protecting Paul and his compromised lungs, and my 84 yr old mom and her compromised well-being too. So I'm the person, for both households.

Today was a day to go out for necessities. Groceries for both homes. I have not bought excess at any time during this chaos. I have only bought what we needed, having faith (like always) that we will always have what we need.

I visited 4 grocery stores today. No eggs, no toilet paper ... or Kleenex. Each time I am in a grocery store my heart breaks. The grief, the sadness I feel being witness to what we're doing to each other in these difficult times. It has been overwhelming. The fear, the greed, the selfishness. I am grateful to be able to help my mom and wonder how many others are doing out there. Those with no help, and no ability to get what they need, because of our collective fear, greed, and selfishness. How are these compromised ones even coping?

By store number 3 I have most everything we need; even one package of toilet paper for my mom (a necessity). The one thing I could not find is Kleenex.

As I stand at this cashier it takes everything I have to hold back my tears. Despite her cheerfulness, I can't even speak, my lips are trembling, and I even think a tear slips out onto my cheek. I am heartbroken. Heartbroken, over a box of Kleenex? Seriously? Yep, seriously, and here's why.

In our home Kleenex is a necessity. With Paul's disease, he has a chronic cough. A cough that brings up fluid from his lungs which he has to remove from his body. So ... This isn't a random event, this is an all-day, everyday thing. He needs Kleenex. Get the picture?

As I step out of this store, my eyes flood, and tears fall just like the cold rain. I climb into my car, shut the door, and sit in it. My grief, my sadness, my disappointment in humanity. There is no Kleenex today, but not because everyone needs every single box of Kleenex today. Nope. There is no Kleenex today because, in their fear, many people (healthy, uncompromised people) are hoarding and thinking of only themselves. Many, with no faith or belief, that they will have exactly what they need. What they need. This hoarding behaviour has significantly jeopardized the well-being of so many who are compromised, who don't have assistance; who truly need the eggs, the toilet paper, or the Kleenex, right now.

So I sit, listening to the rain as it beats on the roof of my car; feeling beaten up and wondering - have I lost my faith? Faith in the hope of a better humanity? Faith that we will be okay, and there will always be an abundance of what we need? At this moment, as I sit in my grief over so much, I let my tears flow and know I need to allow these feelings to run through me.

I realize I am angry too and chuckle as I suspect those same hoarders are also the ones not practicing social distancing, or self-isolation, not staying home - and not having only 1 person from the household going out to get essentials. Not following the rules of Dr. Bonnie Henry. Yes, the hoarders are likely the same people filling up the Rona parking lot for their home reno projects, and the garden nurseries too - well, because ... it's spring, right? I'm not sure when home renos and beautiful gardens became necessities, but I guess they are. I am perplexed by this thinking and chuckle again wondering how much Kleenex is in their garages. I suppose if you have a nice garden, it doesn't matter so much that we are in a pandemic, or that someone they know, who knows someone, who knows someone who has it, or worst case died from COVID-19. The good news is, they'll still have a nice garden, or a nice reno project finished.

By the time I dry my eyes, I realize I already have a solution for no Kleenex, and we will be okay. It will mean lots of hankies and lots of laundry, but we will be just fine. My compromised husband will be just fine. We don't need Kleenex.

I am reminded that each of us, as individuals are all creative, resourceful, and whole. Imagine the shifts our world could experience if we could all see, believe, and experience this. If we could simply allow ourselves to truly be in this together. We would replace fear, greed, and selfishness with hope, faith, gratitude, and powerful positive strength for ourselves, each other, and the planet. We wouldn't need to hoard Kleenex.

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About the author:

Karen Hendrickson is an Elevation Coach, focused on helping others to rewrite their life story, befriend their mortality, and find the richness and magic that lives at the intersection of our lives where life and death meet. When we allow our authentic self permission to shine our life becomes full of MAGIC and GREATNESS.  Contact karenttjourney@gmail.com and start working with her today!